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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23285131">Witchers Don't Feel.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnamazingTrashKing/pseuds/TheUnamazingTrashKing'>TheUnamazingTrashKing</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drabble, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Constipation, Emotionally Repressed, M/M, Unresolved Emotional Tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:22:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,643</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23285131</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUnamazingTrashKing/pseuds/TheUnamazingTrashKing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Witchers don't feel anything. Everyone knows that. Except for Jaskier, apparently, who thinks he knows better.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>204</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Wrote this from 5am to 8am with tumblr breaks in the middle of undetermined time. Also, I might be projecting onto Geralt, but I'm not taking questions lmao</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Geralt felt his stomach twisting under his ribs. Jaskier had just walked in and he could smell it - what the bard had been doing the night before. He wasn't sure why it made him want to rip out his own guts, but it did. That citrus and musk. It wasn't unpleasant to his nose, but it was unbearable to his body. He'd had this experience before, but it was rarely directed at Jaskier. Maybe he was just bothered because he'd been waiting an hour for him to finally show up. He'd known he would, he had to. The lute was in their inn. It was a rarity for Jaskeir to ever let it out of his sight, but when he did he always came back for it. It was like some unspoken promise. If the lute stayed in their room, Geralt could expect him back in the morning when he was done with whoever he was seeing that night.</p><p>

"Morning!" He practically sang. Geralt pushed past him to leave the room they had been meant to share. "Well, aren't you grumpy," He laughed. He grabbed his lute and followed Geralt out. </p>
<p>

Jaskier was talking about his night. He wasn't going into incredibly gruesome detail or anything. He was just talking about the girl. Saying how beautiful she'd been, what a tragedy it was they couldn't stay another night in the town. Whatever. Geralt was of the opinion that if he was so determined to spend another night with her, he could. Geralt wouldn't stay to play bodyguard for his fucking lute, but Jaskier could still do whatever he wanted. He talked all the way from the doorway, the entire time Geralt was paying for his stay (he would call it <i>their</i> stay if Jaskier had bothered to actually stay the night), and all the way out to where Roach was waiting for them. It was a simple little stable out the back of the inn. Nothing too fancy. </p>
<p>

The smell of his horse was at least some comfort in amongst the nonsense of Jaskier's ramblings. He stroked her face and brushed his hand flat over her body. She could use a brush down before being resaddled. He should probably clean under her shoes while he was at it. The stable hand had at least ensured the hay, feed, and water was fresh in the morning. He could smell that when he'd walked in. </p>
<p>

"I haven't got a clue why you're so upset," Jaskier sighed, leaning against a nearby pole. </p>
<p>

"I'm not upset," Geralt growled. He grabbed a currycomb and went to work brushing Roach down. He wasn't overly fussed on making her pretty, but dirt would cause chaffing, then she'd slow down or have to stop completely to deal with it. </p>
<p>

Jaskier rolled his eyes. The turning in Geralt's gut started to get hot. "You're obviously upset about something. You've not even "hmm"ed at a single word I've said all morning," Geralt felt that the way he "hmm"ed was a little more exaggerated than it needed to be. "I usually at least get one of those." </p>
<p>

"Hmm." </p>
<p>

"Thank you." Geralt hoped that would satisfy him. Then they could simply journey on in silence until his stomach stopped trying to claw out of his body. "That didn't answer the question though." Geralt took a slow breath and ground his teeth. </p>
<p>

"You didn't ask a question." </p>
<p>

"Well, maybe not in so many words. But, still, the question was there," He got up from where he was leaning to lean against something a little closer, "What's wrong?" </p>
<p>

Geralt considered not answering. It wasn't like Jaskier could force him to speak. What was he going to do? Annoy him to death? <i>Yeah. Actually.</i> But he couldn't actually answer what was wrong. What would Jaskier think if he said: "<i>Every time you talk about that woman I want to stab myself</i>"? Probably something ridiculous. He wasn't even sure why that kept happening. It was just a fire in his stomach. Jaskier would give him some overly emotional answer though, which would be unhelpful and even more annoying.  "Food poisoning," He lied. </p>
<p>

"Oh no," Jaskier's face fell into sympathy. "What did you eat?" Geralt shrugged and tried to focus his attention on brushing the dust and dirt from Roach's hair. "Well," The bard continued, standing up again and picking up something to fiddle with between his fingers, "Maybe we should get you some ginger root tea for your stomach." </p>
<p>

"It's fine," Geralt grumbled. If asked - although he doubted he would be - he would probably even admit that the suggestion had made him feel better. He didn't know why, but the twisting was died down. It didn't settle completely but it was better. </p>
<p>

"Really, Geralt, you shouldn't just wander around if you have food poisoning. Maybe we should stay here again tonight." The idea he'd had that morning, that Jaskier could just simply <i>stay</i> if he wanted to, flared up the burning in his stomach. </p>
<p>

"No," He hadn't meant to snap, and he heard Jaskier jump back at the sound. He didn't know why the gentle shuffling of Jaskier's feet made his chest feel hollow. It smothered the fire, but his guts still squirmed. "If you want to spend the night here again, you can. Just don't try to drag me into it." </p>
<p>

"What're you talking about?" </p>
<p>

Geralt's fingers tensed around the brush. He forced them to relax. "Weren't you just saying you'd like to spend more time with that woman from last night?" </p>
<p>

Jaskier fell silent. Geralt could hear his breathing falter and a brief glance confirmed that he looked as if he were unconscious while standing. It only lasted a second, as soon as he noticed Geralt looking at him, his heart started pounding in his chest. Goosebumps raised all over his skin and his muscles tensed and he reeled against whatever thing he'd thought he'd realised. "Are you <i>jealous</i>?" </p>
<p>

Geralt furrowed his brow at the suggestion. "What?" </p>
<p>

A smile was taking over Jaskier's face, and he relaxed as he started to wander and talk quickly. His heart was still pounding, and a warm flush was on his cheeks, but he was clearly enjoying himself as he threw his arms about in the air. "Well, Geralt, if you need assistance figuring out how to flirt with women, I'd be more than happy to help. Firstly though, you'll need to-" </p>
<p>

"I'm not jealous, Jaskier," Geralt growled. </p>
<p>

Jaskier chuckled, "Never have I so clearly heard the words of a jealous man." He came over and slapped a hand down on Geralt's shoulder. He wasn't sure why the sense made his muscles want to relax. "Never fear, my dear Witcher," Any trace of the digging in his stomach disappeared with the words '<i>dear Witcher</i>', "I'll make sure you have the skills to be just as lucky with the ladies as I have a tendency to be. By the time I'm done with you, you'll have the world at your feet."</p>
<p>

Geralt sighed. He had no problem sleeping with women. Sure, he often had to pay for it, but that didn't bother him. "Shut up, you idiot." </p>
<p>

Jaskier pouted at him. "You don't think that I can do it?" </p>
<p>

He didn't really care if Jaskier could turn him into some womanizer. He wasn't keen to learn from the man. Instead, he focused on the major problem Jaskier seemed to be grasping with the whole conversation, "Witchers don't get jealous." </p>
<p>

"Really?" </p>
<p>

"Jealousy is emotional. Witchers don't have emotions." </p>
<p>

Jaskier started to laugh. Geralt wasn't sure what response he'd been expecting, but that wasn't it. He was practically bent over, clutching his sides. Geralt hadn't thought it was funny at all, let alone that funny. Finally, Jaskier managed to wheeze out the word, "Bullshit." Geralt narrowed his eyes. He didn't think he liked this response very much. He was used to the people who would simply agree with him or call him a devil. To laugh at him and accuse him of lying? That fire was building up again. He shook Jaskier's hand off his shoulder and picked up the dandy brush. He'd just focus on grooming Roach. Jaskier could spend his time laughing stupidly if he liked. </p>
<p>

Jaskier's laugh died out and he seemed to realise Geralt wasn't amused. "Wait," He said, a little breathlessly. Geralt could still hear the increased speed of his heart, and the shake of his throat. "Wait, you don't actually believe that, do you?" Geralt didn't respond. He tried to focus on removing the dirt from Roach's hair. There had been more than he'd thought, all of it loosening up under the currycomb. </p>
<p>

"Geralt," Jaskier continued, the laughter completely gone from his voice. He reached out and Geralt dodged the hand aiming to grab his elbow. The fire in his gut stirring at the idea of the man's fingers on him. Jaskier scoffed and turned to speak to Roach. "Can you believe this man." Roach at least seemed to acknowledge the bard. "He's impossible." </p>
<p>

Geralt was about halfway down Roach's body and he felt Jaskier approach from behind. He slid himself beside Geralt and, with an absence of anything else, leaned himself against Roach, mouth open to speak. She let out an unhappy snort and shifted in the direction she'd been pushed. Geralt just watched this happen, not bothering to help Jaskier who was quickly under the very real threat of falling over. A little smile tugged at his lips at the idea of him hitting the ground, but he managed to regain his balance and stand up again. Geralt wouldn't call it standing <i>straight</i> exactly. His hands were on his hips and they were notably on a diagonal despite the flat ground. </p>
<p>

"There, see," Jaskier said, pointing at Geralt's face. He was trying to play that off as if it were planned despite the fact it obviously wasn't. "Someone with no emotions wouldn't find that funny, but you're smiling." </p>
<p>

"I'm not smiling," Geralt replied, although it was harder to keep the grin off his features when he spoke. </p>
<p>

Jaskier smiled in return, "You are." </p>
<p>

"You're an idiot." </p>
<p>

He didn't seem perturbed by this comment. "Now, a more emotional person might have - oh I don't know - <i>helped</i> a friend about to fall under their horse, but-" </p>
<p>

"We aren't friends," Geralt interrupted. He didn't want to be Jaskier's friend. It was weird. He didn't <i>not</i> want to spend time with the man, he just didn't want to do it as a friend. He didn't want to do it as a stranger either. It was... complicated. He knew he wanted to spend time with the man, but nothing quite felt... right. It was all off. It was like it was everything he wanted but a little to the left. He felt like there was something he wanted - <i>needed</i>- but couldn't reach it every time he was with Jaskier. </p>
<p>

"Yeah, right," Jaskier continued, brushing off his comment as per usual, "Anyway, a more emotional person may have <i>assisted</i> me," He repeated, pushing himself in closer as he did, "But a completely emotionless person wouldn't have even acknowledged it. You did. You thought it was funny." </p>
<p>

"That's not emotion." </p>
<p>

"Pretty sure it is." </p>
<p>

"Humour isn't an emotion." </p>
<p>

Jaskier opened his mouth and froze again. He snapped back into being with a look of existential dread, "Wait, isn't it? I - wait. No, yeah, it is. It's things you laugh at, and laughing is just joy, right? And joy is an emotion. You have to feel things to find things funny, I think." </p>
<p>

Geralt furrowed his brow and returned to brushing out Roach's hair. "Laughter is just a physical response to stimuli. It isn't a sign of emotion." </p>
<p>

Jaskier muttered, "A physical response to-" His voice returned to normal, "Hey, quick question, what the fuck do you think an emotion is?" </p>
<p>

"What do you think an emotion is?" </p>
<p>

"Well it's -" Jaskier paused again. "I mean- Wait. No, look, I'm pretty sure you just described a pretty major part of emotions." </p>
<p>

"A physical response in response to stimuli? Don't humans always complain about emotions just happening to them?" </p>
<p>

"Well, yeah, but it isn't really meant to." </p>
<p>

"It still isn't emotion. If I hit someone, that's not an emotion. Laughing isn't an emotion." He probably sounded stubborn. He was probably being stubborn. Whatever, he didn't really care. For some reason, this conversation was making him want to grind his teeth together. He managed to keep his jaw relaxed. He didn't want to ruin them, good dentistry was so hard to come by. </p>
<p>

"Well I mean, that's an action based on emotion," Jaskier continued, clearly not giving up either. "You don't hit people for no reason. You're usually either angry or scared." </p>
<p>

"Witchers don't get <i>scared</i>" Geralt all but growled. That fire in his stomach picked up in heat at the unintended insult. </p>
<p>

"Well, why do you hit people if they sneak up on you with the intention of hurting you?" </p>
<p>

"Because if I get injured it would be inconvenient and unnecessary." </p>
<p>

Jaskier hummed with dissatisfaction. "Okay, but what does your body actually do? Does your body do anything before you decide to hit them?" </p>
<p>

Geralt thought about the way he felt during those moments."My heart would beat faster, I'd get goosebumps and I'd probably try to breathe in more quickly." </p>
<p>

Jaskier held his hands out and waved them about. "That's like, a textbook fear response." </p>
<p>

"I suppose that if I sensed those things in someone else I would assume they were afraid," He admitted, much to Jaskier's satisfaction. "Still those responses are practical. My heart beats faster to increase blood flow, allowing for faster muscle response. The goosebumps are an evolutionary response that raises the hair to assist in guarding the skin. My breath is faster so I can smell more." </p>
<p>

Jaskier nodded through the whole thing. "Yeah, no, I get that, here's the thing though, it's still fear." </p>
<p>

"But I don't feel afraid." </p>
<p>

"How do you know?" Now Geralt froze. That wasn't a question he'd been prepared to hear. "I mean, Witchers are raised from kids, you kind of learn all that emotional stuff when you're little, you know? Like, when you're body does all that stuff and you start crying, adults are meant to tell you that's called fear so you know. You aren't born knowing that, you learn it." Geralt sort of wished Jaskier would shut up so he could process what the bard was suggesting. Instead, he kept rambling, landing solidly on the point Geralt hadn't quite been able to put his mind to out of fear of going a little mad, "Maybe everyone says Witchers don't feel anything because Witchers just don't know that they're feeling stuff." </p>
<p>

"Jaskier," Geralt's throat was tighter than he'd thought, "Shut up." </p>
<p>

At the very least he did. His eyes widened as if to compensate for his shut mouth and all the bursting thoughts trapped in there, but he was quiet. Geralt felt dizzy. What Jaskier was saying was obviously ridiculous, but he couldn't stop himself from turning the words over in his mind. The room smelt too strongly. <i>Jaskier</i> smelt too strongly. That citrus. That musk. It was mixing with the hay, with Roach, the feed. It was seeping into his skin. The wood, the walls, they were too close. Too close. His lungs, his ribs, were too small. He needed more air. He dropped the brush, the sound of it hitting the ground was distant but still beat him over the head. He turned sharply for the door and heard Jaskier following him. He snapped, "Stay." The bard's footsteps stopped. </p>
<p>

Geralt got out of the stable and the air flowed into his lungs more easily. He let himself lean against the wall and shut his eyes. He could hear Jaskier inside, speaking softly to Roach. "It's okay. He left you here, so he'll be back." Geralt's throat tightened and his heart skipped. Would Jaskier tell him that was an emotion too? Did he ever want to know?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p><b>People making Witchers:</b> You can't be diagnosed with [insert mental illness] if you aren't meant to feel things.<br/><b>Entire Fandom:</b> bitch? No.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>"Does this fit in the canon?"<br/>*sips coffee @11pm* Where do you think you are buddy?</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Geralt took a while to re-enter the stable. When he did, Jaskier was cleaning Roach's hooves. They didn't speak about the matter again as they left the town. It wasn't that Jaskier wasn't talking, Geralt wasn't sure it was possible for Jaskier to stop speaking, but he'd managed to avoid the subject and was instead rambling about something or other. Something Geralt could ignore. He was sure Jaskier knew he was being ignored but he didn't seem to mind.</p><p>

Geralt had started to think Jaskier had forgotten all about it. He hoped so. It was late in the evening, and they'd stopped traveling for the day. The dry heat from the day had settled in the ground and the lack of breeze kept everything warm despite the sun hanging so low in the sky. It would probably cool down a little when it set completely, but for now, they'd only needed the campfire to cook. Since they'd eaten, they were letting the fire die down now. They were sitting in the dirt for lack of any logs or rocks and would likely have to sleep on it as well. Geralt imagined Jaskier was likely to complain about that, but Geralt would lay a blanket down for the bard to sleep on. It wasn't that he really needed it or ever asked, but it seemed to make him happy. </p>
<p>

Jaskier was unusually quiet. His chatter had died down and now all the sound from him had changed to fidgetting. A twig between his fingers being turned over and the bouncing of his leg. "You aren't working on your next song?" Geralt asked. It wasn't like Jaskier at all to leave his lute untouched for so long. Was this some sign the bard was sick? </p>
<p>

"Huh?" Jaskier looked up as if he'd just remembered Geralt was there. His eyes returned to the twig, "Oh, yeah. No, I - uh - I've just been... thinking, I guess." </p>
<p>

"About what?" He wasn't sure exactly why he cared to ask. He supposed it was just unnerving to have a break from routine. Travel, eat, listen to Jaskier talk/sing for a while, go to sleep. He wasn't expecting Jaskier to look at him with his eyes so wide and seemingly hopeful. Especially when it was so clear what the answer apparently was. It wasn't spoken, still the word "<i>You</i>" hung in the air. Goosebumps raised on the back of Geralt's neck and he quickly turned to look at the fire. Looking at Jaskeir felt dangerous. Like looking a wolf in the eye. (<i>Fear. That's what this would be called, isn't it?</i>) He was likely to regret this. </p>
<p>

"That thing we were talking about this morning," Jaskier said, confirming what Geralt had thought. His voice was as soft and his heart was beating harder. Geralt wondered if that was because of the way Geralt had stormed off the first time they had this conversation. </p>
<p>

Geralt looked down at his hands as they clenched tightly together. "What about it?" </p>
<p>

Jaskier moved so he was sitting closer to Geralt. They weren't quite close enough to touch. There was a distance that Jaskier could easily have closed which left an empty hole in Geralt's chest. "Do you want to talk about it?" His voice was still so gentle. He must have frightened him earlier. Not enough to stop him prying, but enough to change his attitude from a child burry its hands in an ant's nest only to find it (shockingly) full of ants, and into the leaves of a weeping willow falling on the water and gathering water until they sink.</p>
<p>

Geralt thought he should probably reward this change in behaviour, but he wasn't sure how to do that without having the conversation. He cleared his throat and faced the bard again. His eyes were still so open, so vulnerable. Geralt's jaw clenched and the urge to turn away was immediate, but he forced himself to relax as he asked, "What did you want to talk about?" </p>
<p>

"I, uh," Jaskier blinked a couple of times and his stare softened with it. "I don't know, exactly. I didn't really think I would get this far." Geralt didn't bother stopping the scowl from settling on his face. "I, uh, I guess I should start by saying sorry." Geralt hadn't expected that. The glare fell away and his eyebrows raised. (<i>Was this surprise? Is that what the emotion was called? Was this the emotion? Was it an emotion?</i>) Jaskier was quick to clarify, "I didn't mean to freak you out, is all." </p>
<p>

"You didn't." Which was true. It hadn't been Jaskier himself, just all the stuff he was saying. </p>
<p>

Jaskier squinted and tilted his head back, a small smirk on his lips. It was a strange look, one Geralt couldn't quite place. "You don't need to act all tough." </p>
<p>

A smile tugged at the corner of Geralt's mouth. He lifted a fist and gently bumped it on top of Jaskier's head, causing the bard to laugh and bat him away. "I'm not acting. You didn't do anything." </p>
<p>

"You know, I did have an idea," Jaskier continued, apparently emboldened by Geralt's brief moment of comfort to wiggle closer so their hips and legs brushed against each other. Geralt could still hear the man's heart beating hard in his chest as he carried on, "If you told me what you were feeling, like physically, I could probably give you an estimation of what that would be." Geralt's shoulder's tensed. "You know," Jaskier added quickly, "If you wanted to explore the idea that you might actually be feeling things." </p>
<p>

Geralt found his eyes drawn back to his hands. It... actually wasn't a terrible idea. Just because he got a name for whatever Jaskier thought he was feeling didn't mean that he had to acknowledge it. Theoretically, he could just get all the names of all the things and decide if they applied to him later. It would probably make Jaskier happy too, so he wouldn't bother him so much about it. He sighed heavily and forced himself to look back at Jaskier. Seeing the man's face felt like a block of ice was in his stomach and froze the words in his mouth for a moment before he managed out a hesitant, "Alright." </p>
<p>

Jaskier practically beamed, "Fantastic! Should we start with whatever you've got going on now?" </p>
<p>

Geralt's brow furrowed. He didn't really think he was feeling anything right now. Then again, he'd never thought he'd felt anything, but <i>apparently</i> he'd been having emotions the entire time. "I suppose." Jaskier looked at him very expectantly and it was... uncomfortable. "Uh," He searched for the right words but the sense was so abstract, it was hard to put into words. "I feel... Tense." </p>
<p>

"Yeah, that seems to be a common experience for you," Jaskier stated rather matter-of-factually. "You loosen up sometimes, but tense seems to be your standard." </p>
<p>

"Hmm." </p>
<p>

"Anything else?" </p>
<p>

"My mouth is dry, but I'm not dehydrated." He would know if he were dehydrated. His veins would be more visible, his head would likely ache, that sort of thing. None of that applied. </p>
<p>

"Oh, you're probably nervous," Jaskier shrugged. It was amazing how simple this was to him. "That makes sense, given the whole..." He waved his hands in the air, gesturing at nothing, "...Everything happening. Specifically, this conversation." </p>
<p>

"Right," Geralt muttered. He'd never been nervous before. Or had he? Fuck. Maybe he had? He really couldn't say. Wasn't being nervous like a lesser version of fear? Why did humans need to make this so complex? They should just call it Small Fear. It didn't need its own name. </p>
<p>

"Is that all?" </p>
<p>

Geralt thought about it. There was sweat on his palms. "How do you tell when you're warm from emotions and when you're warm from the environment." </p>
<p>

Jaskier's eyebrows crept up his face as he considered the question. "Uh," He shrugged, "I guess you just know. Sometimes, you can tell because you suddenly feel different from how you did a few moments ago. Sometimes you can tell because it's only in one spot, like the back of your neck or something, but there's nothing there to make it hot." </p>
<p>

"My hands are too warm," Geralt muttered. </p>
<p>

Jaskier nodded solemnly, "That's the nerves too, my friend." </p>
<p>

"I don't like this emotion." </p>
<p>

Jaskier shook his head and curled his lip in a grimace, "Most people don't." </p>
<p>

"How do I make it stop?" </p>
<p>

Jaskier shrugged, "Depends why it's happening." </p>
<p>

Geralt hadn't felt this until he knew this conversation was going to happen. Logically, it was this. Still, he didn't necessarily want to stop - there was still information here he needed before they could stop. "Let's move on to something else." </p>
<p>

"Okay," Jaskier was, thankfully, very easy going once he was getting his way. "Did you want to talk about this morning?" </p>
<p>

Geralt could already feel his jaw clenching at the idea. "You said I was jealous. We already have that one sorted." </p>
<p>

"See," Jaskier said, leaning back so he was laying half down, propped up on his elbow. Geralt sighed and followed him down, laying with a hand under his head and the other resting on his stomach. "I'm not so sure anymore. You acted like you were jealous, but when I offered to help you with the ladies - that offer is still open by the way-" Geralt rolled his eyes at that, "You didn't seem overly interested. In fact, you completely deflected." Jaskier was framed by the almost set sun. The deep red that was almost purple from an almost disappeared light securing him before turning quickly to complete blackness above them. He looked otherworldly. He was close enough that Geralt was very aware of how easily he could reach out to touch his face. He wasn't sure why the urge to run his knuckles over the man's cheek was so intense, but he managed to squander it. </p>
<p>

"It wasn't as tempting an offer as you seem to think." </p>
<p>

"I'm shocked and appalled that you would say such a thing," Jaskier replied clutching at his chest with one hand, but the smile on his face confirmed he was neither of those things. "You also blatantly <i>lied</i> about having a stomach ache, which is utterly rude, by the way." </p>
<p>

"I didn't say a stomach ache, I said food poisoning." </p>
<p>

"Which implies a stomach ache." </p>
<p>

"Hmm." </p>
<p>

Jaskier laughed softly. "Well, lack of apology aside, my point still stands." </p>
<p>

"There was a point?" </p>
<p>

"Were you jealous of me sleeping with more women than you?" </p>
<p>

Geralt considered the question for a moment. He didn't want to answer and have it be something he didn't think through. It was a lot easier said than done though. He wasn't really sure. He'd never considered himself jealous of anything. "I'm not sure. Every time you spoke of her, my stomach felt warm and... like it was twisting. My muscles started tensing, and my breathing was harder, faster." </p>
<p>

"Only when I spoke of the woman?" </p>
<p>

"Yes." </p>
<p>

"Yeah," Jaskier said, stretching out the word, "That's jealousy." There was a smug smirk on his face. </p>
<p>

Geralt furrowed his brow. "She wasn't that pretty if I'm honest." </p>
<p>

Jaskier scoffed. "How rude." </p>
<p>

Geralt glanced at him and shrugged, "She wasn't my type." She'd been pretty, sure, but she lacked a certain... spunk. She'd seemed very passive and quiet. </p>
<p>

Jaskier rolled his eyes. "Then what were you so bothered by?" </p>
<p>

Geralt thought about it. He remembered he'd had the thought repeatedly that Jaskier had been late to get back. Jaskier had said emotions were just a response to stimuli, so it would make sense that his thoughts would be related to his feelings (somehow the word felt dirty even in his mind). "I think I was..." He lifted the hand from his stomach and tried to gather a fitting word from the emotional vocabulary he'd gathered from humans over the years, "...Pissed that you were back so late." </p>
<p>

Jaskier hummed to himself. "Oh, yeah, sorry about that." He sighed heavily but something brought him to a pause, "But I've been later to more important things and you've never been upset about it before. Not like that, anyway." Geralt shrugged. Jaskier was the expert here, Geralt didn't know anything. It sucked being useless in this conversation, but there wasn't anything he could do. He'd never had to think about it before. Jaskier sighed and rolled over onto his back. </p>
<p>

Geralt turned his attention to the sky. The stars had started making their way out. The sun hadn't quite set, but there were still plenty of stars dotting the sky already. He'd always hated that the city used so much light. Without it, the constellations were so much brighter. When he couldn't sleep extremely late in the night, he would stare at the spots and wonder if humans saw them all as he did. His eyes were better, could see farther, did that change the sky? </p>
<p>

Jaskier interrupted his thoughts with a voice that was uncharacteristically soft, "Geralt?" He turned to see the man picking at his nails and staring intently at the sky. He could hear his heart beating hard in his chest and was suddenly far more aware of where their clothes made contact. Their legs, their hips, their shoulders. Geralt turned his eyes back to the stars. Jaskier's voice started picking up in volume and pace, "I, uh, you don't have to answer this and I don't want it to be weird, I mean it probably would be with anyone else but I don't want it to seem-" </p>
<p>

"Just ask the damn question, Jaskier," Geralt sighed. </p>
<p>

"Right, yeah," Jaskier cleared his throat. His voice was small again, so small that Geralt likely would've needed him to repeat himself if he'd been human, "How do you feel when we're together?"

Geralt wasn't really sure. He was with Jaskier pretty often lately, and there weren't often noticeable changes. It wasn't like anger or jealousy or fear. Jaskier rarely made his skin tighten or his muscles tense. Sometimes there was something like that, but it wasn't unpleasant. At first, it had been, but later he found that he missed it when it was gone. No, usually he didn't feel like that. Yes, sometimes he talked too much when everything was too loud, but Geralt found he'd rather that then to never hear him speak at all. And sleeping when he could hear the bard's breathing and beating heart was easier. Plus, the smell of his perfumes was strong (thanks to some overuse) but they didn't make Geralt feel sickly. No, when Jaskier touched him, or when he smelt him nearby or heard him singing he didn't tense. "Relaxed," was the best answer he could give. </p>
<p>

"Really?" </p>
<p>

"Mhm." </p>
<p>

He glanced over and found a smile on Jaskier's lips. "That's good. Uh, anything else?" </p>
<p>

He bit his tongue as he considered what Jaskier would actually like to hear. He wasn't going to lie about anything he did or didn't feel, but some things might be better kept to himself. Then again, they were... friends... right? If Geralt was accepting emotions (<i>IF</i>) then they would be undeniably friends. They knew each other well, traveled together often, and didn't hate each other. Maybe they were even close friends. Jaskier often said they were, but that might just be something he said to convince people not to stab him when he was caught with their wives. "Sometimes I get the urge to touch you," He admitted. </p>
<p>

Jaskier's heart, already running faster than normal, seemed to skip a beat. "Touch?" He repeated, his voice rising slightly, "In what way? No, In w-wait, you're gonna need to be more specific." </p>
<p>

Geralt wondered if he'd embarrassed Jaskier. 'Embarrass' was a weird term that could mean either that you'd done something of very little consequence except that it was a social faux pas or the embarrassed person was very upset. He hoped it was just the first one. If it were that, Jaskier would probably make fun of him, but he wouldn't be hurt in any way, which mattered far more. "I don't know," Geralt sighed, shutting his eyes. He didn't want to answer and make it worse. </p>
<p>

He heard Jaskier sit up and could feel him leaning over him. The warmth of his body was close and the smell of him was intense. Geralt's mouth started watering, which was strange. Jaskier did use a lot of spices and stuff for his perfume, perhaps it was one of those making that happen. He opened his eyes and found the man hovering over him, looking a little panicked despite the smile on his face. "No, you need to tell me. I'll lose my mind if you don't." </p>
<p>

He wasn't really sure what that meant. Did the idea of Geralt touching him bother him so much that he would go mad just thinking about it? The thought made Geralt's chest tighten. (<i>Was this sad? Was he sad? Is this what sad felt like?</i>) "I don't usually do it, so it doesn't matter." </p>
<p>

The hand that Jaskier wasn't resting on flew out. It was obviously meant to just be another exaggerated gesture, but on its way, it managed to whack Geralt's chest as Jaskier shouted, "Exactly- sorry." Perhaps on instinct, he patted the spot he'd hit. Then, with a look like he realised what he was doing, he pulled his hand back. "My point," He quickly regained his composure, "Was... something, what were we saying?" Geralt couldn't help chuckling at that, his eyes closing for a second as he shook his head against the bard's stupidity. He could be so incredibly smart sometimes. How many others had suggested that Geralt might feel like anyone else and not know it? Other moments, however, played out far more like this. Jaskier laughed with him for a moment before quickly saying, "Right! My point is, you don't act on those, so I don't know what they are. What if it's something that I would also want you to do?" </p>
<p>

Geralt... hadn't considered that. But, somehow the idea of telling Jaskier how he wanted to touch him made his mouth dry. (<i>Nervous.</i>) "I doubt it." </p>
<p>

There was a glint in Jaskier's eye that Geralt thought he'd seen before, but couldn't quite place where. "Do you want to touch me now?" Geralt tensed against the words. That didn't go unnoticed by Jaskier. "You do, don't you?" He laughed and Geralt wasn't sure why it made his stomach churn. It was rather uncomfortable. Sometimes Jaskier laughed and Geralt felt good, his chest rising and shoulders relaxing. This laugh - though it didn't sound any different - sucked. </p>
<p>

Jaskier's laugh died and he looked at Geralt expectantly. There was a moment as they just stared at each other, Jaskier obviously waiting for something and Geralt really having no idea what he wanted. "Well?" Jaskier finally said, his eyes darting over Geralt's face. </p>
<p>

"What?" </p>
<p>

Jaskier deflated a little. "You're really thick, you know?" Geralt felt a scowl settle on his features. That seemed unfair since Jaskier was raised with all this emotional nonsense and Geralt had only been doing this for about two hours maximum (including his definitely-not-a-breakdown outside the stable). "Whatever you want to do, try it." </p>
<p>

Geralt swallowed thickly. "What if it's not something you want me to do? It's hard to tell." </p>
<p>

Jaskier laughed, "Trust me, I'm probably fine with it. If I'm not, I'll let you know. Promise." </p>
<p>

Geralt still found himself hesitating despite the bard's insistence. Still, he lifted his hand from his stomach and placed it on the back of Jaskier's head. His hair was as soft as he'd thought it would be between his fingers. He moved his fingers in circles, gently scratching the scalp underneath. Jaskier shut his eyes and his breathing slowed down, despite his heart still beating quite quickly. As Geralt continued, it started to slow down too. Evidently, he was enjoying this, which was good. It would have been dreadful to finally bury his hands into his hair and find that Jaskier hated it. </p>
<p>

Jaskier's lips parted with a breath and Geralt felt his body tense again, but not in an uncomfortable way. It was something different. It was good. "Yeah," Jaskier sighed, making Geralt's heart pick up in pace, "You can pretty much do this whenever you want." </p>
<p>

With those words, a new urge spiked Geralt's skin. Maybe he was emboldened by the clear content he'd induced in Jaskier, but he didn't hesitate at all this time. He gently pressed down on Jaskier's head. The bard's eyes opened but he seemed to understand the request and lowered his head as instructed. Although Geralt noticed the quickened pace of his heart and shake of his breath, he was still following Geralt's lead. His hand rested on Geralt's chest to help steady himself as their faces came closer together. Jaskier's head was tilted at what seemed like a strange angle so Geralt moved his hand further up the man's scalp to better guide him, and successfully managed to press their two foreheads together and shut his eyes. </p>
<p>

Jaskier whispered a soft, "Oh," that almost seemed more for himself. Geralt wasn't sure if it was disappointment he was hearing in Jaskier's voice or just the shaking falling from his breath, but he wasn't pulling away. His heart was settling again and he breathed easily, which made Geralt relax more. It felt nice, the warmth and pressure of Jaskier's forehead against his own. The light pressure working similarly to the old technique of pressing a warm stone to your head to help concentrate while meditating. Obviously there were differences, the texture of the soft skin to hard rock, the general size, the fact he could feel Jaskier breathing. Still, the image persisted. Perhaps it was just from the calm the sensation brought. </p>
<p>

 They sat like that for some time. Geralt's fingers continued caressing the back of Jaskier's head, sometimes slipping down the bard's neck, causing him to shiver and his breath to catch on half moans. He wondered what Jaskier would call this emotion if he were really feeling one. A warmth that seemed to be coming from deep in his chest, complete relaxation, and something he couldn't quite name on his skin. As if it were full of silk instead of blood. All these symptoms seemed too blurry and strange to place a name to from his own vocabulary, but he didn't want to break the moment to ask Jaskier. </p>
<p>

Sadly for him, Jaskier broke the moment. Or, Geralt thought he would when he pulled away. He made no effort to keep the bard against him but was still sad to see him raise himself up again. Geralt dropped his hand from Jaskier's head but found he wasn't pulling away to lay down beside him. Instead, he hovered close to Geralt's face with a grin on his face. "Geralt," His voice hardly more than a breath.</p>
<p>

"Jaskier," Geralt replied, unsure where this was going. </p>
<p>

"You can be quite sweet sometimes, my dear Witcher." </p>
<p>

Geralt scoffed, feeling that it wasn't exactly true. He didn't think "<i>sweet</i>" was often applied to Witchers. Still, the pet name Jaskier had adopted for him made the warmth in his chest spread. "You'd be hard-pressed to find someone who agrees with you." </p>
<p>

Jaskier's smile broadened. "Would it be horrid of me to be happy to hear that?" He tilted his head and laughed, "It makes me feel special." </p>
<p>

Geralt lifted his hand and ran his fingertips over the bard's cheek, down to his jaw-line. His skin was so soft beneath his rough fingers. "Lucky for you most people have little love for Witchers." </p>
<p>

Jaskier snorted at some joke he didn't seem to want to share. "Lucky for me, indeed," He muttered. The fingers on Geralt's chest tapped with some thought trapped on his tongue. He considered asking but knew Jaskier well enough to know it wouldn't take long for the man to crack and spill whatever thoughts were filling his mouth. Otherwise, he may just eat his own tongue. He seemed like he might for a second when Geralt saw him drag it over his teeth through his parted lips. "So I was thinking," He finally spilled, "I know we're just starting out with this whole..." He did some of his vague gesturings, "Thing, stuff - this," Geralt wondered if he wasn't sure what to call it or if he did but didn't want to use the word. "But! I was thinking, I mean, we could maybe take one <i>tiny</i> little, <i>itty-bitty</i> little-" </p>
<p>

"Get to the point, Jaskier," Geralt sighed, voice deeper and gruffer than he'd meant. </p>
<p>

Jaskier searched his face for a second. Bit his lip. Opened his mouth, and shut it again. He thought for a second, eyes darting around to everything but Geralt's face and fingers tapping on his chest. It was annoying, Geralt thought. Or maybe it should be. It would be if it were someone else, but he just felt the warmth in his chest spreading. "Maybe it's easier if I just... do it," Jaskier said finally, apparently incapable of gathering the words to explain himself. </p>
<p>

"Okay." </p>
<p>

Jaskier nodded. "Right." He leaned in then froze and pulled back a little, "Don't freak out though, okay?" </p>
<p>

Geralt felt his eyebrows furrow, unsure exactly what Jaskier was planning. "Okay." </p>
<p>

"Promise?" </p>
<p>

"Yeah." </p>
<p>

"Okay, good." Jaskier leaned back in. He was moving slowly and his heart was racing. He was breathing quickly too. <i>Fear</i>. He knew fear in humans too well, although he'd hoped he wouldn't smell it off Jaskier when there was only the two of them. It made the warmth in his chest turn ice cold. Then their lips connected as Jaskier kissed him. </p>
<p>

Now, Geralt understood kissing. It was practically impossible to go anywhere without seeing some human with their tongue in someone else's mouth. He knew what it was. He understood the point. Still, having Jaskier's lips on his felt... offputting. On the one hand, the idea that Jaskier was kissing him was good. It made his heart beat hard and his stomach tighten in a way he didn't feel often but was strangely satisfying. On the other hand, the physical sensation was less than pleasant. His lips tasted good, his breath wasn't bad, it was just the actual act of having them against his own that made him want to cringe away. </p>
<p>

Jaskier pulled away with a satisfied smile on his lips. "Thanks for not freaking out," He muttered quietly, leaning in to kiss him again. Geralt tensed when Jaskier leaned down and he stopped, sitting back immediately. "Are you freaking out?" </p>
<p>

Geralt swallowed thickly. "No, I'm just..." He furrowed his brow, unsure how to put the experience into words. </p>
<p>

Jaskier tensed at Geralt's hesitation. "I didn't mean to, uh, overstep or anything I just - you know? I thought it was heading -I probably misread, it's fine I just- I probably shouldn't have done that, you've only just really started doing any of this stuff and I jumped way too far in-" </p>
<p>

Geralt dropped a hand on his head, "Shut up for a second." Jaskier did as he was asked while Geralt gathered his thoughts. "Is that always what kissing feels like? Is it always just... mouths on mouths?" </p>
<p>

"Well," Jaskier looked confused, "Yeah? I mean, it's mouths on... stuff. It doesn't have to be on mouths, but that's usually what people do." Geralt grunted, letting his eyes fall on the sky beyond the bard. Jaskier's fingers were tracing little circles into his shirt. He was thinking about something again. Geralt sighed and looked back at him expectantly. Jaskier immediately jumped on the opportunity, "I mean, if it's only mouths on <i>mouths</i> you might be okay with mouths on skin, right?" Geralt cocked an eyebrow and he added quickly, "Although, that's not to say that's something to explore right now, and maybe not something that needs to be explored with me, there's always the whole thing where you just might not feel that way about me, so it's not as fun." </p>
<p>

"What way am I meant to feel about you?" Geralt asked. Jaskier froze up a little and started stuttering. Geralt interrupted him with the question he was actually asking, "Do you feel that way about me?" </p>
<p>

Jaskier stopped speaking completely. Geralt could see the panic in his eyes and hear it in the beating of his heart and quick breathing. He laughed, but it sounded somewhat forced. "Wow, it's getting late, huh?" He yawned, but that was also fake. "We should get some sleep, early morning tomorrow." He rolled so he was facing away from Geralt and said quickly, "Goodnight." </p>
<p>

Geralt stared at the man's back for a second. There was only one idea for what Jaskier might be feeling that would make him respond like that. Wasn't that how humans would act about love and stuff? But <i>love</i> seemed like too strong a word. People in love with each other, to Geralt's knowledge, didn't usually sleep with other people. Maybe it was just attraction. Or maybe Jaskier couldn't tell the difference. Geralt didn't really care either way. The urge to touch the bard had sparked up almost the second he'd let his side, so he shifted to lay an arm over Jaskier's side. He hesitated just before doing it, but he'd technically received permission earlier to touch him when he had the impulse, right? </p>
<p>

In the quiet, he whispered, "Is that okay?" He didn't want to upset Jaskier anymore than he had, so if he made even a hint of a hint that he might be uncomfortable with the contact, Geralt would pull away. </p>
<p>

"Yeah," Jaskier sighed, relaxing into Geralt's arms. "Goodnight," He repeated more slowly than last time. </p>
<p>

"Goodnight." </p>
<p>

Jaskier hummed, "Goodnight." Geralt huffed a short laugh but resisted the urge to tease him for now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Me projecting emotional stupidity and gay tenderness for Jaskier onto Geralt p.2: Electric Boogaloo</p><p>(AKA: Me seeing a character with a weird relationship to emotions and SLAPPING all my baggage on him and declaring it a headcanon even when it actively contradicts the canon because only Geralt himself could stop me and He Isn't Real.)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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